i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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