if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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