I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
