I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
