were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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