don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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