My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
