hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
