In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
