she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
