It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We don't watch enough power rangers
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
