I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
