I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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