that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
