im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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