The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
