are you still at the devil's house?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
