was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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