Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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