Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
