walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
