The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Enjoy the penises
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
