its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
