We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
