In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
