K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
