Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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