After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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