420 ftw
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
