Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
