I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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