I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
