i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
