what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
