he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
