i don't like sucking hair
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
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