I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
