so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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