He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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