I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
