While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
