mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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