What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
