When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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