I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
