I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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