She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
