so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
