My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm always down for nudity.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
