Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
