That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
