I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
