Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
