well I can't set my house on fire every night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
